haunted

jukebox : white shoe's senandung maaf

haunted
for so many years by that dream
haunted
for so many months by that one morning
lose myself in life
to forget the dream
lose myself in dreams
to remember the dream

haunted by him today so many times
number plates even concur
haunted by my past of sickly belly
dodgy toilets do concur

am i crazy to believe in this dream
i ask myself the same question
for the hundredth time

a dream so impossible and elusive
a dream so futile and costly

in the midst of my sanity why these moments of madness
in the midst of my conviction why such deliriousness?
can one be so sure yet so impossibly wrong?

tired of second-guessing myself
tired of playing his guessing game
tired of doing the right things
so tired

love,
zulaikharuac

insomruac

jukebox : american psycho

god is firing me from my world
god is killing me softly
my heart pains without Him
my lungs choke without Him
Oxygen disintegrates without Him

He is my nuclear reaction
He is my chemical equation
he is my kerouac vacation
from a punched drunked love

he is insaning me slowly
i see faces on the road
i sleepdrive on the road
i seek meaning on the road

please kill me now
sacrfice my pain for theirs

love,
ai

insulin headache

jukebox : moz's dear god

you give them face
they just want more
you give them kindness
they just want more

why does this mouth want more
sweetness after a whole day
of getting by without sweetness
just one drop n the insulin begs for more

you give them freedom
they just one more
you give them happiness
they just one more

why does this heart want more
love after a whole life
of getting by without love
just one drop n the insulin begs for more

now my heart is strange

jukebox : furniture's hushthe dead are dreaming

this heart is strange
it wakes pining
devoid yet bursting
its vessels runneth over
with tainted blood
spilled on castaway affairs

this heart is strange
it squirms in fear
of letting blood too much
recoils in apathy

this heart is strange
it is full of this thing called
e.m.p.a.t.h.y.
it cries for the lost voice
of the poor and sad

this heart is strange
it screams for a justness at
wrong times and places
recoils in empathy
it sobs for itself and promises
never to, but only for others deserving
Every Man Please Address Thy Heavy Yearning

puzzling notes from a sunday morn akin to this

jukebox : cricket sounds from forest in window with expiry date

8:19 toad sounds
__________________________________________________

looks like the moon went square
what's a girl to do?
looks like africa went to egypt
what's a princess to do?
___________________________________________________

hati kagum
hati cair
menjadi madu
yang terpedih
menjadi racun
yang kalah?
jadi obat
hati yang pilu
penuh hempedu
di keliling kita
burung malam
suara merdu
biawak dalam buainku

peace.love,empathy,
jahruac eperdu