adventJahs in the diamond sky

o these songs these songs

2007-07-01T06:13:00.000+08:00

jukebox : clientele's i can't seem to make you mine

oh how apt that jukebox song is, for once
after a long while
on a night so surprising n subtle
started innocently enough
cept for goosepimples during "i'm beautiful"
but the full moon night would soon show me
how such a simple song could move so many so easy and so good

evading indo rock at cash point wondering about jeff
tracy chapman's sorry springing up memories of sec 2 bus rides
gabrielle's rise sweeping me with matthieu's shadow
nora jones with utah man's lingering scent
and finally sinead's nothing compares to u
adding the icing on the cake

o these songs these songs

love
aida

of sleep and denial

2007-04-01T12:10:00.000+08:00

jukebox : broken social scene

morning climb pulls me into this state long missed
familiar fatigue and mind wanderings heart yearning
urged by scenes of camden king's cross and the lot
and sweet cousin's london calling
and sweet jude's hard englishman profile
and mighella's intimate love story
subtle fuzzy lens and that boy his face so sad
breaks my heart
in the way drive back alone sends the familiar feeling
piercing aching through this battered vessel
giving me bad dreams and waking up
yearning like i have not in months
of sweet celluloid escape

does this mind ever learn?
mind that sees subtle coincidences
13/14 seats and unit numbers
underworld in film and in kiosk
mind fathoms these litfle details as signs
magnified into symptoms of ache
when subtlety should just be rejoiced as
reminders of the slow and gradual slipping of life away

can't believe i decided to text him
is the fear gone? replaced by acceptance?
or is it just random subtle?

randomly subtle yours,
jahruac

landslide and cycles

2006-11-06T06:59:00.000+08:00

juxebox : stevie nicks' landslide

four year cycles
elusive search
rollercoaster days
feel the same as yesteryears

ohhh..i'm ..getting older too....

I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

Well, Ive been afraid of changing
cause Ive built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
Im getting older too

So, take this love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well maybe the landslide will bring it down

haunted

2006-10-29T03:51:00.000+08:00

jukebox : white shoe's senandung maaf

haunted
for so many years by that dream
haunted
for so many months by that one morning
lose myself in life
to forget the dream
lose myself in dreams
to remember the dream

haunted by him today so many times
number plates even concur
haunted by my past of sickly belly
dodgy toilets do concur

am i crazy to believe in this dream
i ask myself the same question
for the hundredth time

a dream so impossible and elusive
a dream so futile and costly

in the midst of my sanity why these moments of madness
in the midst of my conviction why such deliriousness?
can one be so sure yet so impossibly wrong?

tired of second-guessing myself
tired of playing his guessing game
tired of doing the right things
so tired

love,
zulaikharuac

insomruac

2006-10-21T03:19:00.000+08:00

jukebox : american psycho

god is firing me from my world
god is killing me softly
my heart pains without Him
my lungs choke without Him
Oxygen disintegrates without Him

He is my nuclear reaction
He is my chemical equation
he is my kerouac vacation
from a punched drunked love

he is insaning me slowly
i see faces on the road
i sleepdrive on the road
i seek meaning on the road

please kill me now
sacrfice my pain for theirs

love,
ai

insulin headache

2006-10-19T05:35:00.000+08:00

jukebox : moz's dear god

you give them face
they just want more
you give them kindness
they just want more

why does this mouth want more
sweetness after a whole day
of getting by without sweetness
just one drop n the insulin begs for more

you give them freedom
they just one more
you give them happiness
they just one more

why does this heart want more
love after a whole life
of getting by without love
just one drop n the insulin begs for more

now my heart is strange

2006-10-16T00:38:00.000+08:00

jukebox : furniture's hushthe dead are dreaming

this heart is strange
it wakes pining
devoid yet bursting
its vessels runneth over
with tainted blood
spilled on castaway affairs

this heart is strange
it squirms in fear
of letting blood too much
recoils in apathy

this heart is strange
it is full of this thing called
e.m.p.a.t.h.y.
it cries for the lost voice
of the poor and sad

this heart is strange
it screams for a justness at
wrong times and places
recoils in empathy
it sobs for itself and promises
never to, but only for others deserving
Every Man Please Address Thy Heavy Yearning

puzzling notes from a sunday morn akin to this

2006-10-01T09:27:00.000+08:00

jukebox : cricket sounds from forest in window with expiry date

8:19 toad sounds
__________________________________________________

looks like the moon went square
what's a girl to do?
looks like africa went to egypt
what's a princess to do?
___________________________________________________

hati kagum
hati cair
menjadi madu
yang terpedih
menjadi racun
yang kalah?
jadi obat
hati yang pilu
penuh hempedu
di keliling kita
burung malam
suara merdu
biawak dalam buainku

peace.love,empathy,
jahruac eperdu

inVIGILant

2006-09-28T16:58:00.000+08:00

jukebox " pumpkins' mayonaise

do you have a bali man?
innocent question
smug gesture reply
do i have a bali man?
tears well
same angle
same despair
same quandary

light up light up

2006-09-27T21:44:00.001+08:00

jukebox : snow patrol run

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up...

Slower slower
We don't have time for that

light up light up

2006-09-27T21:44:00.000+08:00

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up...

Slower slower
We don't have time for that

mobile notes from AI circa MAD may

2006-09-23T20:39:00.001+08:00

jukebox : snow patrol run

16 may ??

would you indulge my gothic spirit with some crimson oozing tonight?
would you indulge my indie fetish with some bang cuts?
would you indulge my electro mind in some wax cues tonight?
would you indulge my cynic with some diarrhouac prose tonight?
indulge me tempt me
fire me combust me

__________________________________________________________
12may h.o.m.e.

le sacre deux c'est le mode d'emploi de ma vie
c'est ma raison d'etre
r u fahkin o.k. tonight?
peut etre k.o. ?
vraiment peut etre

________________________________________________________
8 may curb by 7-11 at LP

a i l j f
a i l m b
a i l m v
a i loves life way too much to die
way too much to sleep

caught a lite sneeze mr minnitt?
caught a lite disease mr zitch?
sleeping sleeping
eating eating
i'm sleep driving yet again
why why do you love me so
when i forget you so
much way too much gnts
much way too much a i

slothenly yours,
aida

mobile notes from AI circa MAD may

2006-09-23T20:39:00.000+08:00

sepia heartache

2006-09-19T04:19:00.000+08:00

jukebox : koc's manhattan skyline

oh my god your eyes..you eyes..
he says that hazy wednesday morning
he's mesmerised
after the sunrise

oh my god those eyes..those eyes
she says that manic afternoon
she has a fright
knowing of the fire
burning madly inside

oh my god those eyes..those eyes
i say deep inside my mind
looking at the sepia
i reignite sad mad

sad for the madness of those eyes
mad for the innocence lost in those eyes
innocence lost even in the sepia
so young so gone
gone that hazy morn
in the cradle of three
defiled yet villified
vengeance burns but sadness wins
doomed to an eternity of regret

love n other indoor sports,
zaza

awkward ode to 911

2006-09-12T00:25:00.001+08:00

jukebox : ride's vapour trail

they were a vapour trail in the blue morn sky
they were fate's hail to the world waiting to die
they were waiting to exhale long before the cries
they were only following jibrail's words in their own minds

846
902

doomed numbers

song du jour
"Boys Don't Cry"
i would say i'm sorry if i thought that it would change your mind
but i know that this time i have said too much been too unkind

i would break down your feet and beg forgiveness plead with you
but i know that it's no use cuz now there's nothing i can do

i try to laugh about it
cover it all up with lies
i try to laugh about it
hiding the tears in my eyes

cuz boys don't cry
boys don't cry

i would tell you that i love you if i thought that you would stay
but i know that it's too late cuz you've already gone away

misjudged your limits
pushed you too far
I took you for granted
i thought that you needed me more, more, more, more

i would do most anything to get you back by my side
but i'll just keep on laughing
hiding the tears in my eyes

cuz boys don't cry
boys don't cry

peace,love,apathy,
jah

awkward ode to 911

2006-09-12T00:25:00.000+08:00

aug 8 revisited

2006-09-05T00:25:00.000+08:00

jukebox : hush the dead are dreaming

young soldier
heart burning with Malayan pride
cheeks stinging with quenched dreams
stoic resolve unfeeling
to solide through a 180 degree turn of fate
and mission
an old mantra of justice and humanity
to one of prosperity and progress
spawning children of apathy
and culture devoid
bastions of communism really
socially actually
do we sing pledges of hope
for our own sake or for his?
his empire of shared riches?
or shared devoid?
if only these untainted youth
knew of tricks and schemes
a young soldier's dream crashes and burns
into a red phoenix going where?
somewhere just i hope

kl 19 aug

2006-08-30T00:05:00.000+08:00

jukebox : camera obscura
misenscene : opel in limbo tween jalan TAR n sri petaling

awry mind angry heart
patience running away
from passion melting
in summer's hot
adolescent embrace

don't remember
don't care
can't think straight
flashbacks of dreams
and past pleasures
wind this mind tighter
and deeper into
O rdered
B ut
L ost
I ndividuals
V eer
I nsanely
O ut to
N owhere

hatiku mati menanti

2006-07-18T00:44:00.000+08:00

mogwai's hunted by a freak

Zulaikha's dreams of Yusuf occur long before she's met him, and are romantic, idealistic, and almost mystically pure; on the basis of these dreams she weeps, pines, suffers, and sacrifices her worldly and erotic prospects

disconnect

2006-07-15T16:07:00.000+08:00

lost my will to dream
lost somewhere in the clouds
lost my faith in the dream
lost all desire all will
no reason to go on
no inspiration
why can't i see what i used to see
for what it is
why do i only want to see the dream
old jaded tired
only sleep and uninspiring dreams
i need something
only i do not know what
stuck on repeat of old habits
i thought died
need new eyes
need new heart that has forgotten all
need to forget the dream that is now a
nightmare haunting
heart, can you hear me?
please disconnect?

paul garton

2006-06-30T03:06:00.000+08:00

jukebox : mogwai's tracie

mr minnitt's back
im glad
mr garton's a crack
im glad

im so ha-ha-ha-ha-happy
but why cant i sleep?
why is ai haunting me?
is it this school?
is it this work?
is it this boy?
is it this girl?
is it this man?
is it this dream?

everybody believes in something
i believe i'll have another dream

dear god, pls help me

love,
jahruac

post altitude paralysis

2006-06-26T02:32:00.000+08:00

jukebox : pissing in the wind (badly drawn boy)

blessed with a climax like none before
she fell deep deep into slumber
summer's heat and promise dissipates like clouds did beneath me
into a faraway landscape of dreams so many so grandiose so unreacheable
it cripples like a toad full after a meal of snail
sloth engulfs the toad breathing leering peering through her window to the world below
rejecting all worldly charms all deadly sins cept for one
rejecting inspiration from those around smiling weakly
hoping in futile for dreams creeping slowly away
radiating away in a concrete lanscape of false platitudes
slapping her dreams right back into her face with the full farce/force of her insecurities
when a woman meets her man
what else is she to do but wait wait like a warm idola
too incapacitated by her mortal noose to even pray for hope
too incapacitated by crashing
she becomes silent after all these years of ranting
silent and waiting
waiting and wanting
wanting but not desiring
forgetting these lines :

i live by the ocean
and during the night
i dive into it
down to the bottom
underneath all currents

this is where she's staying this is her home

an oyster waiting for the magic black king to chase her into the deep
to win the prize of his life - the elusive pearl goddess of sulawesi

i hope he remembers my voice

love n other indoor sports,
zulaikaruac

ode to the king of mataram

2006-06-05T15:58:00.000+08:00

jukebox : across the universe

the mornings are the worst
i know perhaps why
i went to his
one hazy wednesday morn
on his bike crazy through the streets
towards jalan mataram
when we arrive at gang arjuna
my heart stops
i've been here before
this familiar courtyard
surrounded by square rooms
his room light streaming lazy
all i can do is cry
all he can do is say
"all i know is...
we're all going to die"
panic starts
in my heart
manic silly
in my belly
all because that one line from
my richard ashcroft my jesus
my king of morbid
my raffles
my ruin
my dreams burn down inspite of myself
my dreams burn down because of him

love dun mean nothing,
zulaikharouac eperdu

ode to mr pink

2006-06-02T05:33:00.000+08:00

ode to mr pink

jukebox : the dears lost in the plot
restless heart casts me walking
to the familiar spirit haunt
i know you're just across wanting
you my familiar trippy gaunt
am i becoming like you
am i manic like you
am i as mad as you
am i funny like you
restless heart cast me running
through these familiar streets
i know you're at window gazing
you my familiar soulbrother beat
am i joining you
am i going to combust like you
am i missing you
or am i just losing my plot
----------------------------------------------
sing this song loud n clear so he can hear
and he will feel our love
and he will smile so bright
that we will see his light
see you soon my sweet brother
The dears - Lost in the Plot
Take me for drive to the coastline
Pull me to the depths of the sea
Leave me in the middle of the ocean
I can walk the rest of the way
And I promise not to cry anymore
All the reasons beat the crap out of me
Everyday when I wake up they are waiting
But I promise not to cry anymore
'Cos it's the same old plot these things
Oh it's the same old plot these things
Oh it's the same old plot these things
Oh it's the same old...
Our love, don't mess with our love
Our love is so much stronger
Our love, don't mess with our love
Our love is so much stronger
Oh it's the same old plot these things
Oh it's the same old plot these things
Oh it's the same old plot
Same old plot
Same old plot these things
Oh I promise not to cry
Oh I promise not to cry
Oh I promise not to cry
Anymore

his white light makes my love spilleth over

2006-06-02T00:20:00.000+08:00

jukebox : you are th generation that bought more shoes and you get whatyou deserve

you are the country that bought more oil
and you get what yopu deserve
you are the country that spunned my toil
and you get what deserve

you don't get my love
you don't get my energy
you don't get dreams
you don't get my heaven

you are the lovely that give me realitycompany
and you get what you deserve
you are the pure that give me inspireenergy
and you get what you deserve

you get my mennace
you get my rock
you get my crazy
you get my love

all these thing's that i've done
will make me live forever
all these thing's that i do
will lead me back to You

i believe in the heart of Man
i believe in the light of You
i believe in the mind of Me
i believe i have lost the plot

P = please
L = love
O = odd
T = things

dream.dance.inspire.peace.love.light,
zulaikarouac eperdu

quote unquote

2006-05-29T01:49:00.000+08:00

war is heaven's gentle reminder that
in man's relentless pursuit of perfection
the eternal battle between love and ego
must be accompanied with

shanti-shanti

ode to jogja

2006-05-29T00:59:00.000+08:00

jukebox : flaming lips' do you realise

sunshine's smile is waning
sadness makes her cry
happiness makes her cry
there's no reason to smile

'cept the kids begging for first of the gang to die
'cept for the kids begging to be seen in cosplay
'cept for the kids begging to belong in bands
'cept for the kid smiling at strange sunshine
'cept for the kids waiting to be born

love don't mean nothing cos i'm alive
hear them out hear them out
theyre suffering those kids forgotten beaten
they're suffering those dead from the wake

sunshine needs gentle reminders
from her sunshine friends

that sunshine is not wrong to burn
that sunshine is not wrong to inspire
that sunshine is not wrong to feel
that sunshine is not wrong to think

sunshine doesnt want
sunshine doesnt panic
sunshine doesnt desire
sunshine doesnt forget

three dead cats
one dead lady
four thousand five hundred dead in jogja

do they realise that everyone will die?
do they realise that dreams don't die?

these dreams are waiting to be born
disintegrating reacting
in decaying graves
in the roots of trees
in the tips of magnolias
in the diamonds of blacknight

if only some could see
if only some could believe
if only some could risk
if only some could live

if sunshine's dreams chase her to her grave
if sunshine's dreams burn her down
if sunshine's dreams twist her mind

sunshine would twist and burn in her grave with a beatific amile on her face
and at the moment of her collapse
sunshine's lava tears would quench all fears
sunshine's white smile would light eternal miles
for the world would be able to see again

love,
zulaikharouac eperdu

trust me dahlin with zulaikharouac eperdu there will always be insights n insides

2006-05-24T14:20:00.000+08:00

blur - sing (sound of my love ennui)

dumpsters are my salvation
4 4 the number i love
44 beloveds in 4a1
4 4 sound of psytrance
4 4 religion that maketh man
4 4 beat of carbon

oh yesss the proocesss is if essssence

furniture - hush the dead are dreaming

my princess dot my idol
my princess dot voice of sanity
my princess dot my guru
my princess dot rocks my world

she waxes polytictheatrical
she articulates my madness
she gesticulates our nuances
she relaxes my manic heart

my sister, you're my all ages show
my sister, you're my allconsuming fire
i miss my sister!!!
i miss THE love of my life!!!!

can u hear it?
the end is approaching
slow as post rock
angry as punk rock
pure as indie rock

can u see it?
the revolution is coming
hush the ghosts are rising
hush the dreams are becoming
what they should be
reality as they know it is collapsing
the truth shall rise rise rise
and burn burn burn as
mad mad bugis candles

can you hear it mas?
the sound of your past
the glory of our past
shall now be the present

next year is the year of reckoning
london calling
bandung calling

my name is hubble

musical renaisaance or misplaced empathy?

2006-05-22T15:19:00.000+08:00

jukebox : my sweet prince (plaebo)

my black king you are the one
you are my raison d'etre
you are my raffles
you are my sanity
you are my rama

only someone else's words could encapsulate all that i aspire

blur- to the end

All these dirty words
Jusqu'à la fin
They make us look so dumb
En plein soleil
Been drinking far too much
Jusqu'à la fin
And neither of us mean what we say
En plein amour

Well you and I
Collapsed in Love
And it looks like we might have made it
Yes it looks like we've made it to the end

What happened to us
Jusqu'à la fin
Soon it will be gone forever
En plein soleil
Infatuated only with ourselves
Jusqu'à la fin
And neither of us can think straight anymore

Well you and I
Collapsed in Love
And it looks like we might have made it
Yes it looks like we've made it to the end

Well you and I
Collapsed in Love
And it looks like we might have made it
Yes it looks like we've made it to the end

En plein amour
You and I collapsed in Love
And it looks like we might have made it
Yes it looks like we've made it to the end

En plein soleil
En plein soleil
En plein soleil...

peace.love.light,
zulaikaruac eperdu

panic

2006-05-19T17:59:00.000+08:00

jukebox : itunes - feel

manic heart
panic chest
acid belly
acrid mind

only respite

mantras tantras
aorta skelter
altered avatar
realter skelter

crazy crazy crazy crazy
mazey mazey mazey mazey

just wanna be lazey lazey
please grant me wayout of this
heavy heavy heavy

only respite

to feel feel feel
to make make make
to sing sing sing
to fly fly fly

i live by the trees
underneath soleil's gaze
beneath fluffy clouds
this is my home

dont do that dudette,
jahrouac eperdu

to bali . love, jahrouac eperdu

2006-05-17T03:56:00.000+08:00

jukebox : green shells clings clanks with his wind from his rotary creation

abstract expressionist cards
created pendant invigilation
craziness back again
accompanied by calm thank to Him

down miss L down
temporary satiation seems unlawful
but what can i do?
to err is my birthright

to love is my middle name
to BE is my alter ego
to create is my fate
to innovate is my calling

tu me fait non-seche
u make me wanna die
tu est tres delicieux
son les mots sur les choses l'amour a bali

i hope aniek deli and jeff get it at the right time
10-12 days she says
amidst white sands confusion
amidst duties all around

i need my book back
i hate myself and i want to die
i love everything and im ready to die
but give me a full life so

i can sing your praises
i can combust disintegrate evolve
into the white dove im meant to be
crooning lullabies of peace love light empathy

Every
Man
Please
Attend
To
Your
Heavy
Yearning

4.o4 am now
4 4 beat of my heart and his
4 4 beat of the world
4 4 sounds of His pyschedelic immaculate

lets pray for our collective consciousness
he prays for her happiness
i pray for my sanity
i pray for his deliverance

duty calls
love,
jahrouac eperdu

mad roman candle

2006-05-10T12:47:00.000+08:00

jukebox : lys banter

if you want to gain something big
you have to be patient and
have hope and spirit - martha tilaar

caught a lite sneeze?
mr minnitt...
caught a lite disease
mr z'itch...

sleeping sleeping
eating eating
i'm sleep driving yet again

mic with short cable but hand charading he quintessential mic cable

2006-05-08T04:05:00.000+08:00

jukebox : d5

song du jour pur la belle e

title : wait a minnitt mr man

vocoder - telephone sax voice
aural d5 onslaught

would u share me...
with your friends
would u share ms aida?
would you play me....
like a toy...
with all ...
your boys?
would u share me?
i 'll share you
i want to ...
share you
attendez..
une minute...
monsieur man....

love n other indoor sports,
eperdu

who asked you to this house?2

2006-05-07T07:45:00.000+08:00

jukebox: silnce. motherofpearl.rosewood.silence

roudly awakened by
"who asked u to this house?"
red eyes
young innocent umnfamiliar limbs
jalan keleompong
strange
thank god local but strange
i yearn for my loyang rise
comforting but messy loyangr rise
sympathetic but foreign loyang rise
integrated but yet chinese loyang rise
im glad pap won
im glad pap lost
im glad im back in reality

love,
ep[erdu

dreams.inspire.me.

2006-05-05T06:04:00.000+08:00

jukebox : adorable's sunshine smile

weeks of sleepless kerouac episodes have finally taken their toll
sunshine girl has succumbed to slumber
dreams of what she wants to be
dreams of what is yet to be
rudeboys in white hats
bearing blue cheesecake
bearing fishing rods
bearing inspiration
bearing endless longing for mr minnitt

no time for work
no time for love package
no time for friends
only time for sweet sweet sleep

she hopes to be reborn

love,
eperdu

the world is conspiring with me

2006-04-27T21:06:00.000+08:00

jukebox : gus gus why

punks n subtle anarchy fuel last weekend's kerouackian adventJah
anarchy in the sg!!
hey ho lets go!!

friday:
nostalgia-fuelled detention at ite simei with beautiful anarchic students
nostalgia-fuelled drive back to me alma mater
good ol' nostalgic beat @ home club
boys boys boys
gnt gnt gnt
sleep sleep sleep

saturday :
love-fuelled 8 course italian lunch
love for angklung
love for youth
love for the sweet art of subtle anarchy

menu @ eperdu's
1. walnut bread n focaccia with antipasta - mushrooms, sundried tomatoes, olives, pine with cheese
2. spicy zesty italian cold salas
3. cold potato salad
4. warm salad - blanched asparagus wrapped with salmon showered with creamy bernaise sauce
5. beef minestrone soup
6. penne with spicy arrabiata beef sauce
7. penne with creamy vongole white sauce
8. tiramisu

mood @ eperdu's
1. sweet conversation with ak boys n gals
2. sweet games with 4a1 blokes n lassies
3. dj lessons with sweet mr tan
4. sweet sweet anarchic persuasion

nostalgic night @ rgs angklung anniversary ensues
dunno the songs so end up playing kompang and jimbey till my fingers hurt
i miss my dikir days!!!!

nostalgic night@ forum with sweet sweet punk boys
p ramlee n kerouac talk
gnt gnts gnts gnts

nostalgic night @ cafe cosmos
tales of karma light n love
gnts gnts gnts

nostalgic night @ portsdown
spiritualized's broken heart calms my manic heart into much-needed sleep
right into noon

woken my the trees' sunshine smile through his window so warm so happy so good
finally curing my usual sunday love ennui
oh my heart is not so full anymore
memories of mr minnitt still fresh sometimes tinge my warm smile with bittersweet
tears on the side when not observed
tears of nostalgia n longing for my love so far far away
snap back to present with good company good music
snap back to present with good nasi padang
snap back to mod punk sunday jalan-jalan with etc and the pinholes
snap back to beautiful indon tales of human rights activism
snap back to beautiful friends telling tales of karma fate and beauty

it's all good
6 month vegetarian plan is on track
1 year creative plan is on track
5 year love plan is on track
10 year rock star plan is on track

....insya-allah.....

moga dengan restu mu, Tuhan, mimpi-mimpiku akan jadi kenyataan
sayang dan senyum selalu

dream.dance.inspire.innovate
peace.love.light.empathy.

love n other indoor sports,
eperdu

ps : 'twas a praying mantis the other night that landed on me head, as opposed to a cursed grasshopper
god telling me that i am eternally his loyal servant?
i hope so , all i ever hope for in life is HIS divine blessing

morrissey christened my easter sunday rebirth of love ennui into waves of unrequitted pleasure

2006-04-16T18:19:00.000+08:00

jukebox : darling morrissey's dear god, please help me

this is what i wish he would croon to me :

I am walking through Rome
With my heart on a string
Dear God, please help me

And I am so very tired
Of doing the right thing
Dear God, please help me

There are explosive kegs
Between my legs
Dear God, please help me

Will you follow and know
Know me more than you do
Track me down
And try to win me?

Then he motions to me
With his hand on my knee
Dear God, did this kind of thing happen to you?

Now I'm spreading your legs
With mine in-between
Dear God, if I could I would help you

And now I am walking through Rome
And there is no room to move
But the heart feels free

The heart feels free
The heart feels free
But the heart... feels free

The heart feels free
------------------------------------------
i will put these desires to sleep
i will appease these demons
i will run back to myself
my phoenix shall rise rise
with many rivers and deserts to cross
all to win you win you

love,
raffles' poptart

raison d'etre

2006-04-07T02:53:00.000+08:00

jukebox : jack's voice on sweet music waxing lyrical bout banana pancakes(rumbling in me tummy danke mezza9 et evangeline de londres)

i wanna have jack's babies
we will meet lock eyes and fall MADLY in love cos all he will wanna do for the rest of his life is get caught in my magnet tar pit trap and bring sweet babies to my heart shaped box and write sweet lullabies for our children who will only fall asleep to my voice carressing his lush guitars

im a witch scorned off a myriad of unrequitted love affairs and my manic spells will bring any man to his knees

jack jeff james joe the j's that quide my life
some people you know for life
some people you know for a REASON
moi et tim = the glimmer of intellectual leads to good whoopie + his priceless advice
moi et dindin = dejavu of lght streaming through square window + his TRUE love
moi et adik di = poptart
moi et london = path to god
moi et bali = path through god to jeff
moi et james = insight into the english bukowski mind + be strong SISTA be strong
moi et joe = INDO ROCK my destiny n my dream
moi et jack = beautiful babies
moi et jeff = truelove.goodkarma.dejavu.multipleclimaxes

people talkin keep me alive
"shit man guess what we were caught in a mini tsunami"(zul - 26.12.2004 - london/phuket)
"clamedia you?who knows, i had 2 take 2 pills.adios, kiss" (jochem- 18.9.2005 - amsterdam/singapore)
"needed a bit of thrills n spills from a hardcore pusha temptress" (yazay- 01.8.2005 - singapore/singapore)
"jika aku berada di tepi pantai sekarang..akanku tiup belon warna-warni,aku akan terjun ke dalam air pantai yang masin, ku tahannafas di dalamnya seketikadan bangkit terus dengan sebuah senyuman eterniti" (sha-14.7.2005)
"i just woke up. what time do u fly?" (jeff - 24.12.2005- 1439 - bali/singapore)
"kamu juga. sorry i missed you. i left the bar early last night, feeling weak. did you have good holiday?"(jeff-24.12.2005- 1639- bali singapore)
"dinner was good that was your present!hope you have a good 1 and joyce did like her present that was very sweet x " (jeff-26.12.2006 - 1507 bali/singapore)
"my juicy bit misses your juicy bits. happy new year x " (jeff-30.12.2005- 1523 bali/singapore)
"your friends came tonight. sorry i miss them x "(jeff 03.01.2006 - 2047 bali/sg)
"they come back tomorrow at 3 but i not here. tell them to leave here x "(jeff -03.01.2006 21:11 bali/sg)
"are your friends going to my bar at 3? if so, i go there x "(jeff-04.04.2006 12:52 bali/sg)
"i here at 2 mins to 3 and yr friends already leave parcel! Thank you x x "(jeff-04.01.2006 14:01 bali/sg)
"Quality x x x" (jeff-04.01.2006 14:13 bali/sg)
"So i no good? - not full bodied!" (jeff-04.01.2006 19:36 bali/sg)
"L mu no 1 du dunia" (jeff-04.01.2006 20:09 bali/sg)
"saya belum minium. tdk sama jus mu (jeff-05.01.2006 00:28 bali/sg)
"Ma af x"(jeff-05.01.2006 01:00 bali/sg)
"I am enjoying it. Its almost as tasty as ... x " (jeff-07.01.2006 04:25 bali/sg)
"Thank you for your honesty/information.Respect x "(jeff-07.01.2006 13:09 bali/sg)
"Seriously. Thank you for telling me. Many would not bother. x x x " (jeff-07.01.2006 13:17 bali/sg)
"No prob big L. Besok ok x "(jeff-07.01.2006 18:54 bali/sg)
"Babe. Whats the name of .. Guess you had a good night x "(jeff-08.01.2006 16:54 bali/sg)
"You can phone at 8pm or sms x" (jeff-08.01.2006 17:53 bali/sg)
"The sun bit will be easy. Thanks x " (jeff-08.01.2006 20:16 bali/sg)
"Thats wa to me :p"(jeff-08.01.2006 20:21 bali/sg)
"the word is pronounce!" (jeff-08.01.2006 22:08 bali/sg)
"Yes. Expensive for indo but better safe than sorry x "(jeff-11.01.2006 20:35 bali/sg)
"Yes. Big L sounds good x "(jeff-26.01.2006 18:25 bali/sg)
"Tastes., looks smells good"(jeff-26.01.2006 20:54 bali/sg)
"BAd news from michelle I think martin got 30 yr"(jeff-26.01.2006 21:04 bali/sg)
"Bali is quiet, always in Feb. Cc is doing just fine tho. How are you? " (jeff-09.02.2006 18:50 bali/sg)
"Saya baik, apa kabar kamu ? Had yr .. lately?" (jeff-25.02.2006 09:55 bali/sg)
"You need sex.Good sex. Rent a place in ul Uw at u and buy me dinner in jim and i am yours :p (jeff-27.02.2006 20:50 bali/sg)
"You have black book! None like me tho x" (jeff-27.02.2006 22:17 bali/sg)
"Oh lord, I want you NOW!" (jeff-28.02.2006 00:59 bali/sg)
"OK i drunk x " (jeff-28.02.2006 01:05 bali/sg)
"I want you to come and I can promise you a good time but I have to look after my life after you have been. Come please x " (jeff-23.03.2006 02:48 bali/sg)
"I love the idea of you coming. Mid week just makes it difficult. but I try ok x "(jeff-03.03.2006 03:03 bali/sg)
"Please do not change yr mind. I want to see you. (jeff-03.03.2006 04:04 bali/sg)
"You will. Come here. I will give you all the attention I can x x " (jeff-03.03.2006 05:35 bali/sg)
"I want you! So much. Please come x x "(jeff-03.03.2006 06:11 bali/sg)
"Are you still talking to me?" (jeff-03.03.2006 20:17 bali/sg)
"Ok safe journey x "(jeff-11.03.2006 16:58 bali/sg)
"Already home x " (jeff-14.03.2006 00:15 BALI/BALI)
"Me too. Enjoy x " (jeff-16.03.2006 03:08 bali/sg)
"My bed has finally ..... up!Only good memories left x "(jeff-16.03.2006 09:03 bali/sg)
"How are you?Just finished the Di Vinci code, no ref to $100 bills in there!"(jeff-20.03.2006 14:45 bali/sg)
"Thanks for Nyepi greetings. How are you?" (jeff-31.03.2006 16:40 bali/sg)
"Of course not. Big L x "(jeff-31.03.2006 22:19 bali/sg)
"No baby you folded it up and put it in yr bag or purse. . I think x "(jeff-01.04.2006 12:31 bali/sg)
"Good. If I help you have good dreams I am happy x "(jeff-02.04.2006 17:59 bali/sg)
"Yes honey. She here now x "(jeff-02.04.2006 18:53 bali/sg)
"I feel bad. Not good. You were doing me a favour." (jeff-05.04.2006 00:58 bali/sg)
"You are strange girl. But we both know that x "(jeff-05.04.2006 01:57 bali/sg)

we live alone we die alone

love n light,
eperdu

kerouac's IT lives inside me n in my sweetheart's home

2006-04-05T02:18:00.000+08:00

jukebox : darlin sweet fm- mr grey, pink n black i love you to bits

the goddess of good karma has hit some bad karma
she lost her sweetheart's 100 bill
her sweetheart couldnt find it in her da vinci code
he inspires her she inspires him
she loves him he likes her
she thinks about him he composes her a message
it's karma it's dejavu it's fate it's impossible it's crazy it's beautiful
this shared love of the beautiful people of the mystical island of silver surf and padi pastures
this shared love of guided chaos, weighted justice, hated love,
it's yin yang it's tit tat, it's amon lisa
it's what you make of it
it's what she believes in so darn much it feeds her soothes her inspires her
it's what he believes in so darn much it suns him, carresses him shakes him
she believes in IT
he believes in IT
she shouts IT off roof tops
she dreams IT everynight

but she fears that IT might be lost
she fears that apathy might win apathy
she fears the march's hot dreams will be quenched by april's cold showers
but she no longer fears for her heart
it is strong n unlaced with envy
but she no longer fears for her head
it is inspired guided by HIM
and she no longer fears the unknown
and she no longer fears the solitude of life without her lovelies
she no longer fears
because her she has found the island of her dreams that strikes all fear away

delicious moments of today have nourished her heart for unknown tomorrows
painful memories of past have prepared her heart for certain heartbreak

"i'd rather die happy"
"we live alone and we die alone"
"i'm too crazy for this island"

i trust my dreams
i trust god
i trust him

i've never felt this way before and i'm glad

love,
eperdu

illuminati sunday : balik asal in(con)sequential perspective

2006-03-27T01:09:00.000+08:00

jukebox : goldfrapp black cherry

kylie's maginificent dreams march poster now makes sense
march the month of dreams hence balik asal- hidup dalam mimpi
these dreams that have ensnared me in their deadly psychic net
true ou non?
je ne sais pas
as darling nin says : dreams n beliefs are all we have
so i shall hold these dreams tight in my mind's fist
and let them guide me down the path my heart n soul so badly wants
the path back to bali
the path back to him
but i refuse to succumb to the beauty of these dreams and live to dream
as ive done these past 2 days

instead cherish NOW like i said to aniek "aniek kamu lihat jauh, kamu seperti lihat memori dan masa depan , tanpa lihat waktu skarang"
practise what u preach yea?
i remember him nodding to what i said n i know all that i believe he believes too
thats what makes me so sure c'est le garcon pour moi

cherish NOW - darling zi's magnum opus of time, death, life n love echoing his words after my tear-drenched dejavu last dec "u live alone n die alone"
simple words so true
so true ive repeated them to my dear friends all trapped in their self-constructed cages

cherish NOW because after all the maps have dried up, only good memories left behind

cherish NOW in the believe that effort in the NOW will lead me to the desired tomorrow

consequenial is life
inconsequential is NOW if spent too much lamenting the past and waiting for tomorrow
but without having good memories to warm your heart
but without having good lessons learnt to lead you to your desired tomorrow
all of life's beauty and gifts will be lost on a life less travelled

the fine balance
the treading on broken eggshells of past
the balancing on perfect eggshells of the rosy future

time will never be right
it's only us who make it so

namun aku yakin dengan takdir dan mimpi
hatiku akan sabar menanti waktu yang elok

selamat malam sayangku,
eperdu

Post tahajjud vivid good dream

2006-03-20T22:04:00.000+08:00

jukebox : requiem for a dream ost

I prayed for :

1. to sleep
2. to wake
3. to teach well
4. to dream of him if he is the one

I dreamt :

1. ben and mel (you look like judd nelson, great minds think alike, great faces look alike)
2. zizi and razi (you can’t leave the room right, razi shaking ahead, them discussing a creative proposal)
3. anaiz and fara (sleeping on the same single bed in his room)
4. ms aida + mr minnitt (not going to cc going to somewhere I wanted, checking up on cc doing well, wanting in gerai bathroom, housing ziraanfar, )

I woke :

1. cher…I dun have long pants (sweet gj)

its gonna be a good week.

God is great

epilogue :
hidup dalam mimpi nggak patut
sakitku sesuatu tanda yang hidup ini perlu dihidupi dalam waktu skarang
nggak perlu khuatir pasal masa depan
ku tidak mengambel endah pasal kesihatanku
ku lupa
ya ampun

liburan

2006-03-19T15:01:00.000+08:00

jukebox : dewa - aku cinta kau dan nya

hari terakhir liburanku
ku disamping nenekku
ku bernyanyi dan tertawa
menghiasi hari ceria

hari terakhir liburanku
ku disamping kelurgaku
ku bercerita tentang dunia
dunia tak usai dan nyata

hari terakhir liburanku
langsung ku dengar suara muridku
dia luahkan rasa pilu
kerna dimaki sang keluarga

hari terakhir liburanku
ku baca mesej kawanku
dia bercerita anaknya yang sendu
ku tahu amat kayanya hidupku

Chorus :
nggak bisa bersamamu
namun hati ku menunggu
ku resapi anugerah Mu
bila ku lihat langit kelabu

an epic dream defiles balik asal

2006-02-25T10:19:00.000+08:00

jukebox : your house - alanis

an epic dream for an epic night

on to the dream first

we're in this pseudo camp/retreat complete with black n whites
complete with errant 4t1-type minahs n mats
complete with the classic after party

all my lovelies are there , we're living in one house (shades of last night)
im called to control the minah house and chaos ensues
im floundering and faltering
then i do the soft approach complete in street bahasa
and i win em over

then off to celebrate the academic conquest
some chichi lala after party at what i would think kudeta would be like
im eagerly awaiting mr minnitt
looking looking
boys on decks enjoying n winking the red dot (last night's vintage wear)
and i find him in a tryst with some buleh girl
hopes dashed face red
but faking the samantha veneer
"you guys finish off, calll me when you're done"
wait
look into the tryst again
theyre still at it
"if you don't stop i would be very sad"
wait
look into the tryst again
theyre asleep in a classic spoon fingers interlocked
heart pangs in envy
"i can have you and have her in kl on the side"
give up
saxon bohemian dj flicks me cheek
heart warms trades number
music ends the emptiness is unbearable
searching for the quintessential post party
call the saxon
hope and wait

lovelies always my comfort n solace
hope and wait
think of the spaniard
wake

for yue feng :
the month is the waxed lyrical by axl rose
the number is the ambigram of the letter U

love and other indoor sports,
eperdu

i remembered the puck too late

2006-01-21T16:22:00.000+08:00

jukebox : we are scientists' the great escape

honestly darling, you are a poet
yah blog's 'just' poetry
teacher-student relations would be a needless concern
more of that when i see you

coulda woulda shoulda

shouldn hv snogged
shouldn hv tempted fate

freedom only exists in heaven

see you soon my friend

love n other indoor sports,
eperdu

balik asal : dekonstrukting bali

2006-01-07T12:29:00.000+08:00

jukebox : mungkin nanti (peterpan)

in search of peterpan
monday 6pm @ sanur alone

myths triggered this journey
the search of the myth triggers my search of the mysticism of Bali
"are you here for a month?" the drummer says
the myth that my journey is indeed by my own self
the myth that Ariel is indeed Peterpan?

the myth that rockstars do indeed go wild?
the myth that all these things that i've learnt
lessons from painful reality
careful social manipulation
the desire to winwin
the desire to be overriden by duty to others
is all but a myth??

will what i expect from acting cautiously pay out?
or should i revert to the familiar recklessness?

is my new faith in duty and love for others oay out for me in tanterms?
or will it be a more long lasting payout of inner peace?
peace i've seen in ubud spoke to me louder that my demons' calling
just two days ago

or has my escape from inescapable disease shown that madness wins?
or issit just the darker forces tempting me to the ULTIMATE FAILURE??????

the rain has stopped
the Bali mystic myth holds true (pak ali from singgaraja?? was right)
and the myth that the unstoppable paradise of pleasure has come to a stunning halt

and the myth that fame and celebrity will bring good gifts
i know for a fact that has been debunked by reality
peterpan are cold and unfriendly
but theyre just being boys before a gig
i know that as a reality
or will the only reality that rings true be :
the journey of self-discovery is only quelched by inner peace and preventing self denial (this line sucks too many g&ts at the sanur paradise lounge)

friday @ balikha while he sleeps by my side

white buleh berkemban in batik
him having an airconless simple room
all these gentle reminders
that what they think is unique and exotic
is my own melayu way of using our heirlooms

my voice singing bjork's anchor song
my longing for that ideal kampung
only shows that i have found the place where i belong
the sulawesi pirate in me lives strong

at home by the ocean
at home by the sawah padi
at home by my perahu's stern
at home with my buleh daddy

_________________________________________________

balik ke pangkal jalan yang lurus
saturday @ garuda 840 flying over bali back home alone

mentari terbenam di pantai legian
warna-warna yang terserlah di angkasa
cuma memesaniku bahawa kau yang amat berkuasa
justeru aku jalan pulang dan diikuti azan

disamping asiran putih dan ombak yang hulur dan tarik
aku rasa kebesaran Mu
dikecualikan bahan jahanam dan kesibukan kota
aku rasa detikan hatiku mendekati Mu

disamping gunung yang suci dan sawah padi
aku mengingati masa yang lalu sambil melihat ke masa depan
disamping jantan yang jujur tapi brengset
jiwa dan hatiku tergugat tapi akalku berbelit

disamping teman pulauku , aniek yang sentiasa ceria tapi sedih
aku rasa tali sillraturahim makin erat
disamping teman jujurku, jeff
aku rasa hatiku retak dan lari kepada Mu

Ku mohon ampun segala dosaku
Ku mohon restu mu moga hidupku tenang

_____________________________________

hindsight
saturday @ home alone

winwin transcended to faith in fate and karma
my search for love transcended to giving love without expecting any in return
holding on to addictions transcended to re-discovering the addiction experiences in my pure state
the rain and wind carressing the trees to dance to peterpan
the need to be with him transcending to the desire to forget him

aku mau jumpa mu lagi, bali
aku mau cium ku lagi, sayangku
mungkin nanti mungkin nanti

__________________________________
ode to peter pan by darling auntie k :

Mimpi Yang Sempurna, Bali 19 Des 2005

I look forward to sharing with you and sahabat2 tercinta my interesting encounter with Peterpan in Bali during their Konser Esklusif Bebas ProXL 19 Dec 2005. My memoirs shall be interesting as it is a picture of a Singaporean fan who travelled to Bali to experience what it is like to be in crowd of no less than 10,000 avid Indonesian fans all for one reason - PETERRRPAN.

I hope you will find some time to read it and consider posting it in the fc web. Attached are some nice pixs taken with the charming boys at Bali’s Sanur Paradise Plaza hotel.

Initially I had cancelled my Bali holidays 12-17Dec as the incident at Jimbaran and Kuta Square was still fresh in my mind.

Things changed when we saw your schedule peterpan @ Bali 19 Des. The fear factor was gone immediately! I have been waiting for this performance for a long time. Quietly I was hoping for something more… meet them up close and take pictures with them. But I was skeptical about it … mimpi yang tak mungkin sempurna.

Thanks to ALLAH SWT for 2 kind souls in Bali who have helped make my dream come true.

A kind staff Jerry at Hard Rock Café Bali answered my phone call from Singapore. I had called Hard Rock thinking they would be the best source on info on concert venue, tickets etc. He said he would try get info on the Peterpan concert and sms us. He kept us updated in the next few days. Jerry even went the extra mile by suggesting that he get us the concert tickets quickly before they get sold out. Tks Jerry!

On Saturday (17Dec) evening, as soon as we cleared Bali immigration, we dropped by at Hard Rock Café, met Jerry and got the 4 tickets! Just could not wait to get the tickets. My mimpi was coming near I thought to myself...“Aku menunggu mu, aku menunggu mu di Bali” was playing in my mind.

Sunday, 18 Dec after lunch in Ubud on the way back to Kuta, we told our friendly driver Nyoman to stop by at the concert location Lap. Kapten Japa, Padanggalak, Sanur-Denpasar to check out the place to avoid getting lost on the actual concert day. It was about 4pm as we entered the field where many men were busy setting up the stage, the spanduk etc. Warung2 and spanduk2 were lining up the path leading to the field.

If Jerry was kind soul number one, here at Lap. Kapten Japa we bumped into the second one. Bpk ini saw us taking pictures and asked where we were from. He could see we were die-hard fans yang datang dari jauh. Thanks to Allah SWT he told us that pp would be arriving soon that evening and would be staying at Sanur Paradise Plaza, hotel di perempatan Sanur yang ada Dunkin Donut nya.

Excited we quickly got back into the van and told Nyoman to proceed to Sanur Paradise Plaza hotel. There in the hotel car park we saw 2 vans with spanduk di belakang nya Jangan Ngaku Nge-Fans Sama Peterpan Kalau Belum Pake XL Bebas. Adduuuh excited nih… mimpi yang hampir sempurna. We sat down at the lobby for a while and had to leave quickly to catch the sunset at Tanah Lot.

At 7.30pm that evening we came back to the hotel from Kuta hoping to see pp check-in. No sign of them but crew after crew were arriving with their equipment. A short while later, from nowhere, Reza appeared. We said our first hello. Reza was very friendly and caring towards us. Told us that they have already checked in and the rest would be coming down soon for futsal.

Next Uki and Loekman appeared followed few minutes later by Ariel and Luluk (didn’t know his name or who he was at that time, maybe Ariel’s bodyguard). Despite having to rush to the waiting van for the futsal, the boys obliged photo session with us. Thanks guys waktu nya!

Ideally we told ourselves we should check-in into this hotel but all our things were back in Kuta, and it was getting late. With fingers crossed, we asked the hotel reception desk if there were rooms available for tomorrow (19Dec). We were fortunate.

Afternoon 19 Dec, as soon as we settled in on the 4th floor, we positioned ourselves at the lobby hoping to see the boys again. Yes, this time they were going for sound check. This time we took a picture with Indra and Loekman. Both were nice and charming.

At 5.30pm we left the hotel for the concert, which was schedule to start at 7pm. Surprisingly, there was no maddening crowd unlike other Indonesian cities where fans take position 4 to 5 hours before kick-off. We got ourselves the orange PP Pro XL T-shirt at the kiosk outside.

2DSD …excellent sound system and crystal clear mike here in Bali. Cheers to the sound crew for a job well done! Just could not believe it that here in Bali my mimpi yang sempurna. (Frankly the sound system here in Bali was much better than KL Stadium Merdeka).

The crowd here in Bali was generally well mannered and under-control. Tidak ada ricuh2 seperti konser2 di kota lain. Cuman usai konser ada yang mulai dorong2 keras. Di pikiran gue apa ini akan terjadi stampede. Serem banget. I hold on tight to my dad and kept telling my mum who was holding on to my friend Faizah to watch her handbag. After the ordeal, guess what? I LOST my precious hp!!! Mungkin saja dorong2an itu tadi modus operandi nya maling2 hp.

Back at the Sanur Paradise Plaza hotel that evening, just as we were entering our rooms, Andika appeared from the next room. We were excited to know that he was our neigbour. Andika said “kita tetangg”. He was charming and friendly, ngobrol sama bokap dan nyokap gue. Pantas dia seorang band leader, the founding father of Peterpan. Di situ juga ada Luluk tapi gue masih nggak tau dia siapa sebener nya. He seemed a friendly guy and he gave me a cute smile.

Besok hari nya (20Dec) sekitar jam 11 pagi, we braved ourselves to seek permission from a Bpk (security kali ya) to let us get into the hotel conference room where ProXL was having its Meet and Greet Peterpan. In there 3 local bands sing pp songs with siapa lagi kalau bukan pp as the competition judge. Was fun and entertaining apa lagi komentar Ariel yang sangat rendah hati terhadap anak2 band local itu.

We must say thanks to two ProXL male staff who came up to us at the hotel lobby later that day and gave us Alexandria caps, PP wristband and batch. Very nice of them but sadly we did not get their names. Hope they read this article.

GO PETERPAN GO!!! SEMOGA KALIAN SUKSES TRUZZZ… AMIN

Tak Bisa Kah terulang Mimpi Yang Sempurna ini ?

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
song of 2005 : mungkin nanti

saatnya ku berkata
mungkin yang terakhir kali
sudahlah lepaskan semua
kuyakin inilah waktunya
mungkin saja kau
bukan yang dulu lagi
mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi

dan mungkin bila nanti
kita kan bertemu lagi
satu pintaku jangan kau coba
tanyakan kembali
rasa yang ku tinggal mati
seperti hari kemarin
saat semua disini

dan bila hatimu termenung
bangun dari mimpi -mimpimu
membuka hatimu yang dulu
cerita saat bersamaku
mungkin saja kau
bukan yang dulu lagi
mungkin saja rasa
itu telah pergi

tak usah kau tanyakan lagi
simpan untukmu sendiri
semua sesal yang kau cari
semua rasa yang kau beri

_________________________

terima kasih bali
ku rindumu selalu

_________________________________

win win whimsical future

2005-10-30T10:13:00.000+08:00

jukebox : peter pan

looks like the karmic joeincidences of friday has culminated in a frenetic , restless saturday of chi-chi la laing and win win attitude

an ode to saturday , 29th October

winwin

spreading knowledge by noon
self reward at essesuals
spending time with her goon
talking shop with idols

how can we win win
on a satur day day
how can we spin spin
when all we want is a lay lay

guitar notes : plucking 1st string - 4th/3rd fret
tune to Travis' "Good Feeling" track 10

all this talk about the past
all this talk about age
twenty seven nineteen fifty
all this win win attitude
all gearing for a future so bright and so near

popmycherry tomorrow
debbie does singapore
kl plan for raggedy ann's birthday
kp for me

love and other indoor sports,
aida

joeincidence with a k

2005-10-29T06:02:00.000+08:00

jukebox : it could be sweet (portishead)

the start of what feels like super duper long whacked out weekend

the day of coincidences

trading star gazing stories about morris on msn
then seeing him in mellow indie glory at sonny's you
seeing pretty pink boy in sonic youth's goo tee
then birthing idea of debbie does singapore flyer graphic
the sunday lost waiting for sight of the spaniard
then catching his eye amidst the ugly people at sonny's you

he says he's off to london at five
he says whats your number
he steals glances at me
he touches my head from the back
he hops on the floor when he wants to dance with me

is 2006 gonna be the year of espanola?

and we're not even at the end of 2005!
such promise beckons!
yet the nagging fear of the big S holds me back
shanti shanti my mind whispers
you gotta sprt this out first
anyway he's looking at the podium sluts ewww

playlist for nov poptart

1. melwynmadwil (keep notsleep)
2. adolescent princess (spewweww revivals)
3. priestintercourse

promise to write again sunday

love n other indoor sports,
jah

revisiting another chance

2005-10-17T09:40:00.000+08:00

Jukebox : cazals’ poor innocent boys

( this post is dedicated to danny boy wherever you are in Myanmar )

This has been one of the best weekends I’ve ever had
It proves to show that everything boils down to karma

My good karma this weekend is due to my somewhat selfless behaviour
Something which rather rarely turns up these days
But that’s another story altogether

Examples of selfless behaviour :

1. marking on Friday night
2. talking to dearest mas
3. feeling happy for james and aya
4. trying my darndest to reach hyatt mezzanine despite overheating
5. giving time to rainbow frens
6. allproviding tanmonster
7. flirtless public relations at rubikclap

and the good karma has brought me many favours this weekend. Issit because it’s a full moon, mann this augurs well for kp in dec yum yum

examples of favours :

1. solitary liquid chat with x
2. rubikclap
3. 2 glorious pairs of shoes
4. stu (chris martin’s doppelganger)
5. the best way to end a road trip ;)
6. singalong classic songs ride back with darling zi – just like the ol’ times
7. 2 proposals and 1 song @ straits records

so is 7 the number of the month? The month that astrologyzone predicted to be quiet has turned out not so. But it seems really akin to september’s horoscope
am I 1 month late?
Issit My delayed reaction syndrome? Is 7 truly my number or issit not 17?
Debunking current myths and building new stories

All is good.
Question remains :
Who is the next poor innocent boy for me then?

Love and other indoor sports,
Jah

seductive sounds of seventeen

2005-09-18T11:16:00.000+08:00

jukebox: mazzy star (wild horses)

today poptart regained her magic thanks to twilight action girl's reverie

my playlist

seventeen september poptart poll

question : electro or indie?

electro : 15
(ginette, lynette, guna, vern, sabri, alison, missfaery, missfaery, lucah! , cheesy disco, jason t, lind, deny, dy, zulzulzul, )

indie : 14 ( saf, joe, little, sammie, thom yorke!, aud, ayi, hey joseph!, melody, jasper, jasmine, dal, anaiz)

electro wins!! yeaahh!!!

so this heralds poptart's new era - electro-indie anthems

eat me narcissist

the truth fairy looks like james
as she gently falls
into the indielove thames
adoring her like dolls

love and other indoor sports,
jah

41 haagenJAH jam

2005-09-01T22:43:00.000+08:00

jukebox: you and me song by the wannadies

inside me
(i wanna be adored-stone roses)

come...come with me
to the sea
ungiggle me...

if.. you could see..
deep..inside of me...

if... you could see..
you'd get inside of me...

to all tomorrow's parties,
jah

random notes from way way back

2005-09-01T06:30:00.000+08:00

20 July 2004
post rtf no come down

early morning heartlands
my brain has left the building
sailing on the soultryptic submarine
pining to return to fall

i love music and music loves me

25May 2004
Radiohead OK Computer trk 4

to die ... for your art
is such fun
to die ... for your love
is such fun

to die... in your arms is what i want

notes from KL way way back

2005-09-01T06:20:00.000+08:00

11 april 2004
post tiesto klang valley road trip
(sigur ros trk 2/1 ?? eighteen seconds before sunrise)

i never knew your mind
i never had your heart
i never knew i had a soul
dont ever...feed me lies

you came and you went away
you gave then you took away
you came and took my heart away

i never knew your mind
i never had your heart
i never knew i had a soul
dont ever...break my heart

i never gave my heart
i never lost my mind
i never knew a boy like you
won't ever ...take my heart
____________________________

i've travelled this road before
i've seen the red glow of these hills
i've smiled at the crisp blue skies
but i've never seen you

because i knows
the heavens have showed us the signs
just trust fate to allow
the heavens to unfold to reality

breaking the jesus man

2005-09-01T06:12:00.000+08:00

jukebox : tiefschwarz

twisting and turning my giggles are gurning
i'm breaking the jesus man

is it cos i'm lovely
is it cos there's too much spirit
is it cos i'm sex on legs

i don't fiveaguck
i'm breaking the jesus man

love and other indoor sports,
china white

envy

2005-08-31T03:20:00.000+08:00

jukebox : adorable's sunshine smile

twilight agction girl vs poptart would have ended by now

this green eyed monster put me to sleep early tonight
oh well whatever nevermind

this song saved me sunday night

And then she smiled
Just for fraction of a little while
And everything was warm again inside
She's got a sunshine smile
The kind that warms up the corners of my cold room
She's got a sunshine smile
The kind that makes you forget again

Sunshine smiiiiiile
Sunshine smiiiiiiile
Sunshine smile
Sunshine smile

And then she said
"If I'm going to be someone else
I'd rather be somebody else with you"
That's exactly how I felt
How does it feel?

The way I feel
Doesn't feel quite real
How does it feel to feel?
She's got a sunshine smile
The kind that warms up the corners of my cold room
She's got a sunshine smile
The kind that makes you forget again

Sunshine smile
Sunshine smile
Sunshine smile
Sunshine smile

And then she said
"If I'm gonna someone else
I'd rather be somebody else with you"
That's exactly how I felt aaaa
How does it feel to feel?
And for that one short while
It was as if she'd only just learned how to smile

then she smiles
just a fraction
she's got a sunshine smile

love and other indoor sports,
jah

supersize me poptart!!!

2005-08-28T13:55:00.000+08:00

pearl jam - alive
soundgarden - outshined
belly - feed the tree
rem - what's the frequency kenneth
jane's addiction - been caught stealing
postal service - such great heights
le tigre - deceptacon
firehouse - don't treat me bad
dinosaur jr - feel the pain
sonic youth - 100%
nirvana - lithium
skid row - i remember you
weezer - hash pipe
mars volta - ??
gnr - paradise city
futureheads - meantime
hot hot heat - goodnight goodnight
lali puna - micronomic
joy division - she's lost control
fischerspooner - 15th day
pulp - something changed
nouvelle vague - love will tear us apart
deathcab for cutie - sound of settling

words inspire

2005-08-28T13:40:00.000+08:00

jukebox : futon's hubble

hello i'm hubble
watching you from my bubble
way up here in the sky
counting the years as they go by

from my perspective
things are a little perplexing
and i guess i know the reason why
counting the years as they go by

the big bang you say bang bang
and GOD goes out out of the window
the big bang you say bang bang
and GOD goes in into a black hole

into the mind with what the eyes have seen

in my sleep i live

2005-08-28T13:03:00.000+08:00

post poptart roadtrip
jayfayenfen with jazz ?????
jackpot or just a pipe dream?

moi driving aournd getting lost and stretching the time
as always
talks of nudist colonies and warm and fuzzy hugs
descending to warm and fuzzy kisses
and the feeling ohhh the feeling

this f.e.e.l.i.n.g. called l.o.v.e
so vivid and pure i felt in the dream
surely it has to come from somewhere?
is it from my deep seated desire
or is it from my past life?
or is it a hint from my dear friend kismet
that the best is yet to come?

so intense i didnt wanna wake

to all tomorrow's parties,
jah

dear you've lost the plot

2005-08-27T21:19:00.000+08:00

jukebox : royskopp track 15
mis en scene : iggy

tweaking the knobs of fate
twisting my leap of faith
relishing each moment of day
giving ourselves away

lost in the plot
feels the same yet its not
lost in the mire
dun wanna lose my fire

double clapping our blues away
tapping on every thing you say
keeping my loins at bay
i just want you to stay

lost in the plot
feels the same hope its not
lost in the mire
just wanna taste your fire

borrowing his puck

2005-08-27T18:51:00.000+08:00

jukebox : jesus jones' right here right now

i was alive and i'm waiting for this

how apt these words
to describe the burn burn of roman candles
the mantra i stubbornly adhere to in my life

wanton friday night at the arts house
warm wicked and whacked out
cherry you pulled out a great one mann dear

the blue conference with paus saf n alvin
installation art : senget progressing to pecah
smooth electro sounds to whet the appetite
rediscovering dnb yet again thanks to kiat
shout out to that killer trancey first track

frances pharmer paid chatsfatsworthforth a visit
slowcore at its best

abso-fucking-lutely perfect saturday afternoon with haji lane
dress shopping and loin gazing
now truck fucking with my idols
return to fall
i am david sparkle
the sounds of bittersweet post modern never carressed me so sweet

you are the sunshine of my life
my sweet sweet music

love and other indoor sports,
jah

goldie stained by bjork's magic

2005-08-26T03:36:00.000+08:00

jukebox : hush the dead are dreaming (furniture)

last weekend warrants a post

wired ice cream antics at barbeque
the tar expose
the suubsequent need to erase that memory
the haze of goldie and the operation
the shall we have a kiosk fiasco
the sunday multi storey binge
the sunday bloody sunday pafarafanoifoiafa
the sobering return to Him as the dead lay there dreaming

hush hush calls out that little voice inside me
it's time for quiet shanti
enough of all this tomfoolery
i just want to be with me

love n other indoor sports,
jah

love and gasoline

2005-08-18T23:51:00.000+08:00

jukebox : sigur ross - agaetis byrjun

hey nat, this post's for you, since you asked

but this post is inspired by pearl's comment on this blog
she sign's off as love and gasoline

love and gasoline
love and rockets

i dunno what literary term you would call these word pairs i sure am no lit student
but what i would call 'em : postmodern dipole text twist (PDTT)

what's a PDTT

milk and kisses
love and gasoline
coffee and tv

what's NOT a PDTT

coffee and cigarettes

POPTART IS :
People got drunk, fell in love, fell over things, realised the power of communication, played popstar and groupie for the night, and something nearly changed.

- Matt haynes (one half of sarah records)

notes from 41 sometime back

2005-08-18T19:15:00.000+08:00

i landed on disappointment
destiny has caught me
dreaming of abandonment
in his mayonaise

jukebox juggernaut

2005-08-14T10:06:00.000+08:00

jukebox : unkle never never land album

tonight's poptart was amazing. it has reached this plateau where we don't need huge rowdy and sweaty crowds anymore. we just need a damn good bunch of people emanating good vibes. that's it.
i'm proud of my set too.

royksopp- track 1
orbital - beached
postal service - the district sleeps alone tonight (dj downfall persistent beat mix)
and now for the life of me i can't rememeber the rest for sure
but all i know is that i ended my first set with : sonic youths - teenage riot

everybody's talking bout a summer vacation

and the Operation went supremely well. on task and perfectly placed this masterplan slowly unfolds in its anonymity.

Sunday Bloody Sunday Morning Karaoke Session @ Newton ended with Nat singing Johnny Boy - abso-fucking-lutely P.E.R.F.E.C.T.

and now my mind is in this state where all I need to do is change the pace

Notes from the illuminati pusha hardcore tempress poptart goddess :

1. Poptart should have a dancer-> GO ask Ema for Zouk's Sept 10 gig

2. PoptartOut (the Straits Records Chapter)

3. Mixed Media Mixing (needs deft fingers and feet!!!)

4. Poptart Poll 13 Aug. Question : Do you think Ritchie Edwards is dead??

Results :
Yes : 7 Popsluts
No : 20 Popsluts
No Comment : 1 Popslut by the name of Toby

5. Joe's teeshirt is awesome. just ask Razi

and now my endless pursuit of perfection continues as i sign off into my truck fucked oblivion with more pusha thrills and spills to come on this sunday bloody sunday. hell FREEZES over today

love and other indoor sports,
jah

love spirals me downwards

2005-08-01T15:37:00.000+08:00

now sound: furniture's hush the dead are dreaming

these past weekend was testament to tha fact that my life has always been guided by love. and the other subtle trappings that come in the pursuit of L.O.V.E. the trappings that gingerly guide my being into that oh so very gorgeous downward spiral.

and the trappings are :
1. starting to drink cos of want to be on the same level of intoxication as the popsluts down on the floor. dancing to this F.E.E.L.I.N.G CALLED L.O.V.E

2. starting to get lazy again in a roomful of baybeats boys looking so juicy and delectable crooning to The Dears

3. starting to stay up too late on the mac simply cos i just had to keep on talking to him to feed my pophigh. the pophigh brought on by the indie circle of L.O.V.E.

am i really spiralling downwards? how could this possible be the way down when my heart feels like it wants to leap out of my chest and fly up to kiss the diamonds in the sky?

love spirals me downwards from the heaven back to YOU, my faceless love.
i hope to see you in my dreams tonight.

"last night i dreamt that somebody loved me" - last song idea for future poptarts

oscillate me

2005-07-03T15:54:00.000+08:00

why do we feel the strain, just to be awake
why do we do these things, just to perk up the day
why do we drop our smile, when we look away
why do we lose ourselves, every single day

all that i've felt, all that i'm feeling
i will feel again
only if i'd smile at the sun today

all that i've known, all i know now
i will know more
only if i'd smile at the sun today

all that i've loved, all that i'm loving
i will find love
only if he smiles down at me today

montcalm morning tears

2005-06-12T10:08:00.000+08:00

funny how damien rice could unleash a torrent of memories and pain
funny how i think i'm the only one who doesnt associate "the blower's daughter" with a lost love
funny how i have forgotten the vow i made to her

funny how i forgot what i wrote about her months ago :

helping her sleep with the blessed verses i was reading felt so right
it felt like the best quest i had ever been on with a girl friend
she is the original soultryptic sister
reading to her i suddenly finally realised how much i would miss her when she goes
i had this image of meeting her again in the fields

can't take my eyes off you
can't take my mind off you

how could i bear to take my eyes off you
how could my mind be so far away from you

this selfless life sure aint easy

this feels familiar

2005-05-17T16:41:00.000+08:00

i've been quiet for many months
to call it a rollercoaster would undermine everything

going mad in europe. sobering bittersweet return. new year. new mantra. new pain.
and then there's poptart

i've been feeling uninspired and dull of late
but i think this odd spell has ended

notes from the space sessions :
adik's sonic glare
my goa head bopping to sparkle's bittersweet
death of cinema's smiles at drum glitch

the future sure looks yummy
but i feel like i'm walking on eggshells

lucid dreaming and preludes to kisses

2004-09-19T07:33:00.000+08:00

12 hours of lucid dreaming and a wishy-washy night out later

my dreams were long and dramatic
possibly the reason why i couldn't tear myself away from the bed
doing so i sacrificed friends' wedding and schoolwork
dreams of prayers, ghostly little girls sitting on ledges
weird

a night out in me spanking blue MJ shoes, sent my arches to hell
but i mastered the art of dancing supremely in them
music was cut n dried save for the memory lane indie tracks
james levelle couldnt have made it better either

update on the love game :
mr magoo 1
me 0

but it could've been 2-0 if i had called him down to the party
he acted in character
i acted out of character
i'm proud, and i didn't do any rebound thrillseeking either
just basked in the glow of the beautiful ones

my new soultryptic sister : cherry

her definitive qualities that are mirrored in me :
her ability to party alone and her celebration of all things transient in life

all is good
all is full of love

memories of the lingering touch and deportees

2004-09-18T09:11:00.000+08:00

friday

i'm in love

not with a person or being but in love with miss destiny

fate's desire to align my experiences into magic

2 films i watched today triggered this

hysterical blindness : uma thurman as a white trash electro a-go-go wired wiry blond looking for love in all the wrong places

"what's wrong with me?? can someone tell me please"
"you have something special that not many people can see"

those 2 lines cut straight through my weary heart

let the games begin..!